"Ah. I'd Like to Have 'Una Discussione,' Please."

The famous Argument Sketch by Monty Python's Flying Circus is a comedy classic, a brilliant piece of absurd humor in which a clinic offers customers unpleasant services (arguments, abuse, being-hit-on-the-head lessons) for a fee.

The skit opens with a client walking into the "Argument Clinic" and asking: "Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please." In Italian, the dialogue would change, of course, paying special attention to the false cognate argomento. In Italian, there are a variety of ways to express (similar) concepts such as arguments, discussions, disputes, controversies, and debates. Here are a few—prices available on request, of course!:

argomento: subject, topic, talking point, topic of conversation
battibecco: bickering, squabble
colloquio: interview
dialogo: conversation, talk
dibattimento: debate, hearing, trial
discorso: talk, conversation, speech, address
discussione: argument, dispute, quarrel
polemica: controversy, debate, argument
trattativa: negotiation